It's a cycle, and it just keeps going

I always know when things are about to spiral out of control. I shut down and stop doing the essential things that I know are going to get me through. My motivation slows to a abrupt halt and I can't seem to find any spare motivation lying around. I'm stuck. And frustrated. And it feels like I can't get out.

I love BYU. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I dislike anything that I'm doing (even though my roommates might tell you otherwise). It's just that I get stressed. And for some reason, in my academic life, I deal with stress but shutting down until the last possible second, and then I word-vomit productivity out of my brain. It feels like if I wait until the last minute and have no choice but to do it, it somehow comes easier, or better. And I absolutely hate that about myself. At the beginning of the semester I was so on top of everything. My assignments and readings were done on time, if not early. I was motivated, excited, ready to learn and to do my best. And I'm still ready to learn. But somewhere along the line I lost some of my preparedness, some of my excitement. And now I'm just praying that i can somehow find it again.

I feel like I've really been neglectful by not writing about my roommates. So here's the rundown.

Obviously, Marisa is my roommate. We've been best friends for six years. She's what keeps me sane, and she's who makes me laugh more than anyone else.

Next is Xan-- we call her Peach. She's from Georgia. She loves Georgia. She's our youngin. She's loud and crazy and on the color guard. Also, she doesn't cook. Take it back. She could cook if I gave her a specific recipe and told her to cook it. She is just very indecisive.

Then we have Jerina. From Hawaii. Yeah, she's pretty cool. It's fun to have our little Hawaiian girl. Love her to death-- she is always so sweet and looking out for everyone. She and I make pancakes for the rest of the girls every Sunday morning. It's tradition.

Alyssa is the oldest, and is getting married in June. She spends her weekends with her boyfriend, so we don't see her all of the time, but she's in the English teaching program so it's fun for me to have someone to ask questions about what I will have to be doing soon.

Jessica is the other apartment blogger. She's a writer and works an incredibly early custodial job on campus. I couldn't do it and I'm impressed that she can.

Those are the girls. Having a blast with them, and so excited for some time to go by so we can throw Alyssa a bridal shower.